Things change. People change. Times change. For awhile today I have been contemplating evolution in my own life. I have always been an indecisive person. but something made it grow beyond indecision. Now it also entails self-doubt so that when I make a decision, I don’t trust myself that I made the right one or that I have put myself in a good place.
I can’t really pinpoint where this shift occurred. I think it might have involved college. I made a bad choice when it came to the first school I attended. As a result, I was miserable for two years. Even though I evetually made one of the best decisions of my life to leave and picked the right school, it seems the damage is done. So much so that when I know I have to make a life-altering choice, I panic. I anticipate the bad outcome because I doubt myself.
Yet I can also choose to change that. Maybe if I focus on the good choices I have made, it will help. I resolve to do so. I also resolve not to mourn the other shifts in my life. Thinking of gradual evolving, I though of friends who I could once spill everything to–problems, feelings, even issues with them. Now when I see these friends, we still enjoy each others’ company but they aren’t the first people I call when something is wrong or I am upset. Life has changed that.
Life itself has changed. It used to be simpler. Not easier, but less complicated. There wasn’t as much to worry about. At the same time, my world used to consist of my house, yard, and cul-de-sac. Now it is far-reaching. Life changed my perception of people, the world, myself. As my views changed, so did I.
I don’t mourn the changes. I accept them and even look forward to new ones. Because stagnant things are never pleasant for anyone. Change is hard, but necessary, and in the end, good.
